A divorce lawyer sparked a wide-reaching discussion after explaining why he thinks men should always pay on first dates.
The viral video comes courtesy of Justin Lee, a lawyer based in Toronto. On his TikTok and YouTube pages, Lee often shares insights he has learned throughout his career. One recent video, posted on TikTok, made a major splash.
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In the clip, Lee explains why he thinks men should always offer to pay when going out with someone new. As he puts it, this is “the best litmus test” to see what kind of person you’re sitting across from.
Lee starts by saying that it ultimately doesn’t matter who pays. The real point, he adds, is offering.
“The issue is when we end up paying for someone who has this real sense of entitlement,” Lee says. “Like this expectation that we will pay.”
Lee goes on to note that in some cases, that first date ultimately turns into a marriage. And in marriage, it’s necessary to know what traits the other person has might make your relationship difficult.
“And trust me when I say, as a divorce lawyer,” Lee adds, “who you end up marrying is so, so important.”
Lee’s suggestion: At the end of the date, pull out your wallet and offer to pay, then see how the other person reacts. If they just sit back and watch, as if they “expected” you to pay, that could be a red flag.
“In that moment, what did you just learn?” Lee asks. “[That they] have, frankly, the audacity to expect a near-stranger to pay for them. Just imagine how someone like that will treat their significant other.”
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Many TikTokers agreed with Lee’s theory.
“I agree 100% it’s the entitlement that is such a turn-off,” one user wrote.
“I wait for him to offer to pay and get his card out and we end up splitting it,” another added. “It’s not an entitlement thing, I want to feel cared for.”
Others, however, disagreed with the concept. Some female users wrote that they were “old school,” and expected the guy to pay for them. Some suggested that the person who planned the date should pay.
Then there were commenters who wrote that Lee’s video glossed over inherit gender issues, like expectations for women vs. men.
“Counterpoint. For a first date, usually, the woman has invested far more money (and time) into clothes, hair, makeup, etc. Everything a man expects,” one user wrote.
After all the discussion, Lee posted a follow-up to clear the air. In that video, he says that no one owes anyone anything on a first date. He added that one person assuming the other will pay doesn’t necessarily mean they’re “entitled.” In fact, some people may just be looking for that sort of dynamic.
“At the end of the day,” he says. “It’s all about what you want.”
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